I know it’s been a VERY long time since I wrote a blog- don’t get me wrong, I have thought about it often – I have missed posting about holidays, Sadie’s first dance class, Brody’s pre-school graduation etc… and I plan on writing about them for sure, but I couldn’t bring myself to come on here because every time I did, I was DRAWN to read my cancer/chemo blogs! Reading them made it so real again, and I have been trying so desperately to move on from everything over the past year that even just reading a simple blog post made me feel like I was right back in the middle of “hell”… With that being said, I do feel as though I should write a quick little blog since today is exactly ONE YEAR since I was diagnosed with cancer…

Not all anniversaries are good ones – we all know that! We celebrate our wedding anniversary, the days our children were born – you remember the date you first started dating your husband or maybe even the date of your first kiss! These are all dates that we look upon and remember with a nostalgic smile and reminisce of those amazing memories. However, there are also other dates we remember that we would, in turn, like to forget – perhaps the date of the passing of a loved one, a break up, or for me, a cancer diagnosis! June 2nd will forever be changed for me – with this date will always come a semblance of fear, worry, agony, and pain. Although it’s been a year I remember it like it was yesterday – the pain, the worry, the heartache, the fear…and inevitably, the CANCER. Although it’s only been a year (and what a CRAZY year it’s been) I’m happy to say that things are becoming more “normal” these days….

Currently, I am 6 months post chemo and my 6 month cancer scan and blood work has come back CLEAN – so I’m still in remission THANK GOODNESS! My hair is growing back and I recently dyed it blonde. My “cancer” pains from surgeries, stents etc… have dissipated (or I’ve just learned to live with them) for the most past. My daily routine is back to normal – mom, wife, MOM, business owner, MOM!  And yet – with all of these normalcies, I still have so much that is abnormal due to cancer…

I was thrown into a medical menopause and although the effects of that were pretty easy to deal with at first since I was dealing with post surgery issues and chemo, the hormone and menopausal issues have been CRAZY! I finally understand why women literally feel crazy during this time and I empathize with those who go through “the changes” for years!! I’m on hormone replacement therapy since I’m so young and not having estrogen is B.A.D for your cardiovascular and bone health; however, trying to find the correct dose and type has been another issue! One made me feel like I was going to pass out at any given second (and sent me to the hospital because of it) another made me have even worse menopausal hot flashes and night sweats and now, I said SCREW IT and am currently not on them until I can speak to an endocrinologist who can give me EXACTLY what I need.

I am slowly learning to live with my new normal – the new post menopausal-pixie cut sporting-cancer beating-work at home mom! I have hot flashes, mood swings, a zipper scar down my belly, ANOTHER hernia caused by my incision, the shortest blonde hair I never thought I would ever have, a business that has gone from a  little side job to a full-time gig, two kiddos who I am blessed to be able to raise all day long, a husband who is my rock and my best friend, supportive friends I would be lost without, a family who is constantly supporting me and THIS is my normal – No, not everything is where I thought it would be. Heck, most of this was something I never imagined I would say made me who I am, but it is- this is ME now, and I’m slowly learning to live with that… as hard as it may be and as difficult of a journey it has been to get to this ONE YEAR anniversary of my CANCER diagnosis, I know I can confidently say that I KNOW this next year will definitely be better than the last….

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